At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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