Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
