i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
