you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches