but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again