I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
