you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
