Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
