I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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