At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
