Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
