Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
