Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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