I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
