I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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