i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
