I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
