you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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