hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
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just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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