she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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