i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
