if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
