Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
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All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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