I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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