you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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