Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
