Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
