he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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