Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
