he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
