dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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