Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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