He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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