yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
