Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
