So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
whose ass print is on the piano?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
