why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
