I wish I could punch you in the face.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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