Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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