just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
