i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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