it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
