Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hippo gnu deer
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
