I need help removing her.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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