508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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