i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
