All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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