The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize