Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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