I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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