I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize