I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
