Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
