I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
