I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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