Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
