so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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