Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
FUCK WHALES
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