tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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