They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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