i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
