"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
