I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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