Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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