did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
