Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
