If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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