FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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