Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
vagina is talking i cant
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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