I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
