i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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