Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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