My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
