Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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