My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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