I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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