either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
