He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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