told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
