This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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