I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
time to smoke my breakfast
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
