Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
being pregnant is like rehab
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just high enough for therapy.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
