doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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